BUT OF COURSE

So the other day, I was wandering around the office and suddenly I thought, "Hmm, I think my underwear may be creeping down."

So I did what anyone would do. I sauntered into the empty kitchen, and as the door closed behind me, I stuck one hand down each side of my trousers (hip to hip, not front and back) and HITCHED.

That is when I noticed the quiet Chinese coworker who had followed me in.

SECRETS

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

I love that.

I especially love the one that says "I TAKE EXTREME MEASURES TO POOP IN SECLUSION."

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Here are some translations for you:

tat: kind of like kitsch. The difference is that kitsch may *know* that it's kitsch, but tat never does.

stroppy: kind of cranky, but in a sort of...naggy or upstart-y way.

Here are some random phrases that I'd never heard before I moved over here, but I kind of like:

"fuck-off" to describe something big. As in, "I wish I had a fuck-off big piano in MY living room."

My friend, Dan, will occasionally let out with a "fuckety bollocks," which is quite funny.

OH! Short story:

Michael has been known to use the phrase "bugger grips" as an expletive, specifically when playing Scrabble. I asked him what this meant, and he said it was just nonsense and didn't mean anything.

THEN, when I went to Ulverston to meet his parents, we went to a pub with his friends Bill and Claire. Bill was talking about someone's facial hair, and referred to his sideburns as "bugger grips." Which makes sense in a sick kind of way. Like they're something to hold on to during the act.

I was horrified.

Mike felt my wrath.

Incidentally, when we were playing scrabble with his parents, niece and nephew (9 and 5 respectively), he took out some tiles and yelled something along the lines of "fucking arse". The entire room yelled, "Michael!" because of the children's sensitive ears.

Mike's response?

"Well, I got bad tiles!"

Like that makes it okay.

All right, so this post was mostly stream of consciousness, so I'll finish up and then come back when I'm less scattered.

THINGS. ALSO, STUFF.

I went to the Wembley Market this weekend. The Wembley Market is, basically, the biggest collection of tat in Christendom.

My favorite quote of the day was when I heard a mother yell at her child, "Stroppy kids DON'T GET NICE THINGS!"

Also, I had picked up a shovel with which to do some gardening work, and as I was leaving the market, a Jamaican man working at one of the booths shouted after me, "Hey, where you goin' chubbo that, baby?"

It was great.

My eyes are spinning at the moment, because I just downloaded some image software that makes my head spin. I will write more in a bit when I'm not quite so dizzy.