I NEED SLEEP

When I came in this morning, there was no coffee, so I started to put some on, and then in my attempt to clean the filter, dropped coffee all over the kitchen floor, and had to spend 10 minutes cleaning it up.

Now, the lightbulb that I brought in so that I could get replacements has fallen off of my desk and shattered, and I've had to sweep and vacuum to get that up.

I haven't been here for two hours yet.

I really need sleep.

WELL, THAT WAS QUICK

His response: "How gullibly stupid do you think I am?"

Hmph.

Evidently, not enough.

CHICK FLICKS

So I don't go to chick flicks very often. I usually prefer movies that have lots of blood, or explosions. But every so often I feel like a romantic comedy. (Funny, you don't look like...ohnevermind)

I've been trying to talk Michael into taking me to The Wedding Date. His reaction is roughly the same as mine would be to Camping in Auschwitz, 1940.

My latest ploy: I have sent him an email, claiming to have found the following review on the IMDB:

The Wedding Date--what a load of rubbish (3 stars)

I have never seen such a bad case of mis-marketing. This movie is billed as a romantic comedy, but it's really more soft-core porn. Every five minutes, there's another bit of gratuitous nudity or a full-on sex scene. The sex scenes leave little to the imagination--I'm not sure how they got this rating, but they must have bribed someone in the ratings agency.

Really, it should be called The Wedding Breasts, as the entire film seems to be merely a vehicle for showing more and more naked breasts. I was shocked. Horrified. I nearly left the theatre.

****
I'll let you know if he buys it.

I AM EVIL

So anyway, I may have mentioned before that I have a group of (male) friends who live together in this large-ish house. At any given moment, there are 5 to 7 of them.

They're not outrageously homophobic--I once found out that the major reason they hated this other man was that he was homophobic--but they have that certain level of typical straight guy insecurity. You know, they might feel uncomfortable in a gay bar, wondering if any of the men there are looking at their butts (answer: not likely).

So I went to a gay bar with a friend a few weeks ago. And, as you know, most gay bars have magazines/ads/etc. lying around of a primarily gay nature. So I picked up a gay magazine that bordered on pornographic, because I had a Plan.

Last Sunday, there was a barbecue at the boys' house. I brought the gay magazine. The plan was to leave it in their bathroom, in their stack of general girly-type magazines, and wait for them to discover it and then get all paranoid about which of the roommates had left it there.

I placed it on the top of the stack. Michael came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and said, "What were you THINKING?! They'd see it right away! I put it further down in the stack, and upside-down. Now they won't find it for a few days."

What can I say? I was less patient.

So a few days later, one of the boys came into the office and started talking to Mike.

"I went into the bathroom this morning, and I saw that one of the magazines looked new, so I picked it up, and it's A GAY MAGAZINE. Who put it there? I'm thinking maybe Rich is playing a joke. Or, you know, James just broke up with his girlfriend, maybe...I don't know. I just don't know."

This has resulted in the best campaign of paranoia you can imagine.

They've now gotten to the place where they are noticing where it was, when it moves, and whether or not it has been opened. It is only a matter of time before they start mapping the location before and after each resident goes into the bathroom.

It's hilarious.

Every day, they report to Mike, who is really just stirring it. He ribs one of the guys about "his magazines" now and then.

When they figure out he's actually in on it, they will kill him.

It's beautiful!

Michael W. has suggested that I get them a subscription to something like International Male. I am going to see what I can conjure up, because this would be too too good.

P.S. Know what is funny to me? Why is it that the men who are the most paranoid that gay men might be looking at them are the LAST men gay men would ever look at?

AT&T IS GAY?

Evidently