THINGS

My ex, Michael, called last night to tell me that he and his girlfriend, who have been dating for a little over a year, got married on Tuesday. They decided to run off and elope.

I'm really happy for him. I hope everything works out for him and that he's really, really happy. I don't know why I'm putting this here, I just felt like it was something I should say.

DREAM ANALYSIS, ANYONE?

I had the most disturbing dream last night. It went on for hours.

Mike kept telling people his "favorite new joke," and I kept walking around saying, no, no, Mike, this is the stupidest joke EVER.

The joke went like this:

What is the difference between Godzilla and a cow?

Godzilla is a giant green monster who devastates Tokyo, and a cow isn't.

MY WEEKEND

Friday night, we had tickets to see Faithless at Allie Pallie. At some point, someone decided that since 16 of us were going, we should RENT A MINI BUS. This meant that one person had to stay sober and DRIVE THIS BUS.

Who is the one person you know who is going to stay sober? Who do you think ended up driving a bus FULL OF SIXTEEN DRUNKEN AND/OR DRUGGED PEOPLE?

Yes, that would be me.

So here I am, trying to drive this huge bus. The first thing I do, of course, is turn down the wrong side of the road and completely freak out everyone who is not from America. It was a tiny side road. If I haven't driven for a while, I usually do this once when I first get in the car, and then I don't forget again, but of course, nobody knew this. By the end of the evening, of course, everyone was too drunk and/or drugged to really care, as long as they got to where they were going.

We ended up staying up all night. After the show, we went back to a friend's house, and stayed there "socialising" until 8 am or so, at which point half of the people fell asleep on the floor and the other half re-boarded the bus, and I dropped them off at home.

Saturday I spent all day recovering. Everyone else spent Saturday AND SUNDAY recovering.

It was actually a lot of fun.

Monday, I just cleaned my house and worked in the garden and stuff. I haven't spent a weekend at home in ages, and everything is just a little bit out of control. The grass in the yard is at least six feet high.

So that was my weekend.

This news article is cracking me up:

Burrito Lockdown.

Also, whenever I see a news headline like this one, I wonder if the person is doing it on purpose or not.

My favorite quote from the burrito article:

"There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school.

Yes.

We must make sure that our children are being protected from this sort of thing in the future.

Breeders!