MY BOYFRIEND IS COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE

If you know me, then you know that I love my boyfriend very much. However, even love cannot blind me to the fact that sometimes he can be completely unreasonable, and, when I make my case, I am sure you will agree that this is one of those times.

One afternoon a while back, I wandered through the garden picking up any stray pieces of dog poo that Jabba had left for us like some kind of diabolical Easter Egg hunt. I started out putting them in a carrier bag, but carrier bags have holes in them which turned out to be...unfortunate...so I ended up placing this carrier bag in a bucket into which I scooped the poo, which really worked quite well.

Now, at some point, something drew me from the garden. I cannot remember what; perhaps it was a telephone call, or a postman. It's really not important. However, the fact remains that I left the garden, and soon thereafter it started to rain, and so I did not return that day.

The obvious problem with this scenario was that I left a bucket of poo in the garden while it was raining. What resulted cannot be described without resorting to some particularly foul four-letter words.

For the last few weeks, Mike and I have been in a stand-off regarding who should deal with this vile concoction. I have tried very patiently to explain to him that rubbish disposal has been his long-accepted chore, and so clearly it is his responsibility. I have tried appealing to his sense of chivalry. I have even resorted to the last-ditch "If you really loved me...." argument, all in vain.

He responds to everything I say with the same lame so-called argument: "I tell you what, honey, the next time I make a giant bucket of sh** soup, I promise you I will empty it."

Completely. Unreasonable.