Important Information for all of my friends

I was really really sad when I heard that David Carradine had died, and even sadder when the news media reported that it was believed to be suicide.

But here's what I don't get.

Then, they started saying that it wasn't suicide at all, but looked like auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong, and most of the news media went into fairly graphic detail about this.

All of his friends were rallying around saying, "It wasn't suicide! How dare you say that it was suicide! He would never commit suicide."

With all of this, I was struck by two things. The first was that it seems like such a tasteless (to put it mildly) invasion of privacy for the media to report in such graphic detail exactly how he died. I honestly really wish they'd just said, "it appears not to be suicide after all, but an accident." I don't need or want to know what kind of an accident. The guy's dead. Give him a little respect. Leave him with some dignity.

The second thing was--WHO ARE THESE FRIENDS, AND WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?!

So, FOR THE RECORD, I would just like to make sure that all of you, my friends, know this:

If I am ever found dead in a hotel room, and the news media reports that it was suicide, I am perfectly happy for all of you to react with great outrage and say, "How dare you! She would never commit suicide!"

If, then, the media comes back with, "Not suicide, but X", and "X" is some kind of hugely embarrassing act, sexual or otherwise, THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE for you, my friends, is to go back to the media and say, "Oh, my bad. Definitely suicide. Silly me. You know, she's been depressed for just AGES."

I would think that this would be abundantly clear to everyone, but I'm not taking any chances.