MEETING THE PARENTS, ALTERNATE VERSION

Michael (not the boyfriend, Michael, obviously) asked me if I was going to post this email from my sister, so I guess I have to:


-----Original Message-----
From: Natalie
Sent: 25 April 2005 07:51

Subject: opium dreams

I've been on morphine for five days (had some sort of poisoning), am now easing off of it, and of course can't get to sleep for all the visions filling my head. I clearly saw Bethel going up to Coooombria to meet Mike's parents, and the scene at the front door was thus:

[door opens]

Mike: Mum. Dad. This is Simone.

[silence, while both parents gather their wits and begin thinking furiously, "Mustn't mention breasts, must NOT mention breasts."]

Mike: Mum? Dad?

Dad: [heartily] So nice you've arrived, so nice! We were just carving the chicken and didn't know if you'd want leg or, er, white . . . er.

Mum: [saving Dad] But come in! Heavens! Simone, I do hope we'll be bosom friends . . .

Dad: Ack! Garl! Snurf! [choking attack goes on for some minutes]

Mum: [continuing] . . . and of course I knew you'd want to see Mike's baby pictures, so I retrieved them from the cedar chest--Ark! Garl! Snurf! [pats self and Dad on back] I do think we're coming down with something.

Mike: [catching on] Or coming abreast of something.

Bethel: Did you say there was chicken?