It's Christmas Time!

Here's an email I just sent to my sisters:

I don't think I've mentioned this to you, but there's a Christmas song over here that I hate, and like all songs hateful, it gets played on the radio CONSTANTLY.

Back in 1984, before "We Are the World," the famous English and Irish rock stars did a big charity song at Christmas, which was actually what inspired We Are the World. Same idea, bunch of famous people, blah blah. So I WANT to like this song. I don't think I'd ever heard it until I moved over here.

The sad thing is that the tune is great, and it's got that same cool business of "oooh, oooh, that's Sting!" going for it. But two of the lines are so appalling, for different reasons, and they bug me so much that I have developed a more or less passionate hatred for the song.

Here are the lyrics. Read through them, and see if you can guess which two lines, and why, before I tell you at the bottom of this email:

(Paul Young)
It's Christmas time,
there's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time,
we let in light and we banish shade
(Boy George)
And in our world of plenty
we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
at Christmas time.

(George Michael)
But say a prayer,
pray for the other ones
At Christmas time...
(Simon LeBon)
...it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window,
(Sting & Simon LeBon)
and it's a world of dread and fear
(Sting & Simon LeBon & Tony Hadley)
Where the only water flowing
is the bitter sting of tears
(Bono & Sting)
And the Christmas bells that ring there
are the clanging chimes of doom
(Bono)
Well tonight thank God it's them
instead of you!

(Everyone)
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

(Paul Young)
Here's to you raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

(Everyone)
Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

(end of lyrics)

All right, so the first one I think is fairly obvious. Thank God it's them instead of you! WHAT KIND OF A SENTIMENT IS THAT?! Oh, thank God he's starving to death and I'm not. I don't even know where to begin. (However, I'm fairly certain I'd end with the perky exclamation point.)

The first time I heard this, I was just speechless. I thought I had misheard, and I had to ask someone to verify. I had no idea what to say. I could not believe that someone actually wrote that lyric, and that someone else sang it.

All right, by comparison, the other lyric isn't so bad, but it still bothers me. It's this one:

"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time." Ookaaay. If I am not very much mistaken, we have just been told to feel sorry for people in Africa, because they are so poor, THEY CAN'T EVEN AFFORD SNOW.

WHO WROTE THIS SONG?!

Well, okay, technically I know Bob Geldorf (and some chick) wrote this song. But that's not the point.

This song has raised literally millions of dollars for charity--every penny went to the charity, including the tax, because Bob Geldorf personally repeatedly humiliated the government until they gave in and didn't take the taxes. I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE THIS SONG. I just really wish it wasn't so stupid.

Okay, so it hasn't yet surpassed The Little Drummer Boy for sheer hatefulness, but it ranks right up there.