UPDATES

Well, I suppose it's time for an update, since it's been a while. There's actually very little to report. I continue my efforts to find a permanent job in London, but pretty much every effort I've made toward anything in my life has been thwarted at every turn. It's actually getting to be quite entertaining to see the ways in which the universe has become creative in its efforts. "Farsical" doesn't begin to cover it. (NB: "Farsicle", although sounding the same, would be a frozen farce on a stick.)

Some highlights:

I will go through a six-week job process just to be told at the end that the hiring manager has decided to hire a friend. I'll call up a temp agency and explain that I'm looking for short-term temporary work, set up an appointment to go in, drive for an hour, arrive, explain that I'm looking for short-term temporary work, go through three hours of testing, again explain that I'm looking for short-term temporary work, and have the recruiter that I've been talking to the entire time suddenly say, "Oh. We only really do temp-to-hire. We can't help you."

Finally, in my frustration, I'll go to a blood plasma center and try to sell parts of my own body. I cannot give plasma without having proof of address. So they send me a postcard which I can bring in to prove that I do receive mail at that address. When it arrives, I go back to the center, fill out forms, read large manuals, affirm that I have not had sex with a mad cow in the last seven years, have my photograph taken, and then go into a back room to have a phlebotomist inform me that I cannot actually give plasma because, in fact, it turns out that I have no veins.

The single part of my body that is thin and svelte. Besides my hair, I mean.

It's actually terribly funny. I've never in my life had this many insane things go strangely wrong.

Anyway, the big news is that my niece is currently in the hospital having labor induced, and therefore I should be too young to be a great aunt sometime in the next day or two.

I've decided to stay at my sister's house for a while, mostly because it's free rent and cupboards/freezer full of food, and so I don't actually need money, although it would be nice to have something--anything--to do. I'm getting into fantastic shape. This may sound like a laudable thing to some, but it's really more boredom than anything else. Hmm. Nothing to do. I guess I'll lift these logs over my head.

Yes, I said logs. I can't afford a gym membership, but I did discover that the fireplace logs that my sister has weigh five pounds each, so really, that's practically weights right there. I have these visions of Natalie returning on a cold day, building a nice fire, and me running into the room, screaming, "My weights! You cow! You're burning my weights!"

I'm riding my bike a lot. Of course, the minute I decided to ride my bike around, one of my contact lenses ripped, so it's not so much fun as dangerous. I usually tell people that I look "brainy" in my glasses, but the truth is that I can't actually see in them, and let's face it, it's hard to look brainy while walking into walls and suddenly tripping over large cliffs between sidewalk tiles that are invisible to the no-longer-naked eye.

I'm enjoying the bike riding, but can only keep it up for about an hour at a time. The limiting factor here is not actually my legs, but parts of my anatomy that are really not suitable topics for polite society. Even as we speak, I am regretting this morning's decision to go just a few more miles, and bemoaning my loss of childbearing ability.

...and so young, too. It's a shame, really.

So, possibly the worst part of having so much time on my hands, (although I am really appreciating the break from my usually gruelling work schedule) is that I have a pretty thoroughly broken heart, and it's hard when you have little to do other than notice your own heartache. I have lots of times when I feel like everything I've tried--whether it's looking for a job, or trying to reach someone--has just failed, and I feel so ineffectual.

So to cheer myself up, I started reading Mein Kampf and a couple of books written by Holocaust survivors.

I've actually learned a lot from Mein Kampf. It's a pretty good outline of how one becomes an anti-Semite, or just plain crazed. At some point, I'll probably write up some of the things and post them here.

But for now, I need to go look for work. I have very limited Internet access—I can sign up for times at the library, but only one hour, and it's not always easy to get a time.

So, until next time, may your veins be fat and your buttocks free from pain.