In Retrospect

The other day, my sister and I were talking about things that we look back on and cringe over. Or, more specifically, things that we look back on and cringe over, and the other people who were there at the time probably don't even remember. About that need you feel to find that other person, wherever they ended up on this globe, and explain or apologise or SOMETHING, even when you know that they would probably have NO IDEA what you were on about.

I think this is what's called "being neurotic."

At any rate, here is one of mine:

Years and years and years ago, during college, I was standing in a store with a few friends. In the distance, we saw another friend of ours, who worked there, and for some reason we started talking about him. I'll call him "Brian."

One of the people I was with said she'd heard that Brian was gay, and said this in the way that I think really only people from a small town who have actually never MET anyone who was gay could ever make this statement. The two or three people I was with then started this quiet and very URGENT-sounding discussion about his alleged gayness.

"I'm telling you, he's gay."

"No, he's not! I'm sure he's not."

"No, really, he is! Gay! Gay!"

"TOTALLY not gay!"

"Gay!"

At some point, I interjected something to the effect of, "Who gives a rip whether he's gay or not?" but they continued without pause, as if I hadn't even spoken.

"Gay!"

"Not gay!"

"Totally gay!"

After about five minutes of this, I'd had enough. I rolled my eyes, said, "Oh, for PETE'S sake," and walked across the store to where Brian was standing.

"Brian?" I said, "You gay?"

Brian looked at me and said, "Uh, no."

I turned on my heel, walked back over to my other friends, and said, "Not gay. New topic."

I really didn't think too much of this at the time, but ages later, I looked back on it and thought...um. You know, Brian had ABSOLUTELY NO CONTEXT for my question. One minute he's standing innocently in his place of business, and the next I'm walking up to him, asking if he's gay, and then walking off again with no explanation. What on EARTH must have gone through his mind?

So anyway, wherever you are out there, "Brian," I'm sorry that was so weird. I hope I didn't traumatize you unduly. For the record, if you HAD been gay, I wouldn't have cared, other than to maybe wish you well and ask you to go shoe shopping with me now and then.

You probably don't even remember it.