BACK IN SAN FRANCISCO

Well, I've been back in San Francisco for a while now. I'm really enjoying myself--sometimes I forget just how many friends I have and what a good life I have here. Seriously, I have just about the best friends in the world, and my spirits get raised so much. At the risk of sounding like certain actresses, there's something sincerely uplifting about being around people who are actually excited to see you. It sounds dumb, but I've been to three different events at which my attendance was a surprise present for someone else, and it just made me want to cry. I was determined that I was going to come out of my self-imposed exile, and it has been so incredibly worth it.

I just feel so fortunate. I've been to gallery openings for friends, luncheons with the "nerd elite" (indie rock musicians), coffee with writers, dinner with the aforementioned NASA scientist who I decided to see after all (really nice guy, very pleasant evening), Buffy nights, and individual lunches and teas with people who I care a lot about. It's been kind of healing. I'm alone in a beautiful apartment in the Mission with big windows, lots of lights, two cats, and the most comfy down duvet imaginable. Living next door is the publicist for the Grateful Dead, incidentally.

I am really fortunate.

I don't know where the future is going to take me, but for now, it's all right, and I'm happy in a way.

The part of my heart that didn't want to give up on Matthew has finally let him go. I am aware that I manufactured virtues in someone who didn't have any. I recognize that he's essentially worthless, as awful as that sounds, and I no longer expect anything different. And I'll be all right.

I swear one of these days I'll go back to being less serious again. It's been a while. Spending time with friends has made me remember this funny girl I once was, and you know, I think I liked her.

Oh, P.S., this Friday we're going to see DEVO. I'll tell you how it goes.