NOT THINKING

Well, so Matthew made what I consider a valid point, which is that I think too much--the context was something along the lines of he thinks too little and I think too much, so therefore if I had a right to ask him to think, he had a right to ask me to *not* think for two days. Valid point, and quite frankly not a bad idea. So I am making a valiant effort to *not think* for two days.

Obviously I can't just eliminate all thinking, you know, or I'd end up not performing normal bodily functions and that sort of thing, but he and I both know what he meant, and so that's what I'm attempting.

Not thinking is not as easy as it sounds. This is quite a challenge for me. I find myself having mental conversations that go something like this:



me: hmmmm. It doesn't look like I'll be able to make it to synagogue this morning after all. That was certainly a nice conversation I had with Laurence yesterday about religion. It's nice that we don't have any weird communication problems. I wonder if that's because he's gay and that I have communication problems with

me: DON'T THINK

me: Ooo, that's right. *pause*

me:

me:

me:

me: Hm...all right, here I am not thinking. Look at me! No thinking going on here! Nope! Not thinking at all. You know, I think that this is going to be healthy. I think that by the end of two days I'll have learned something about not thinking. I mean, already I can tell that by not thinking

me: You're thinking again. I cannot believe it. You are thinking about not thinking.

me: How tragically ironic.

me: Sad, really.

me: Well maybe just a *little* thinking is okay, you know, like just thinking about not thinking, but not thinking about the other things in life, you know, although not thinking will really sort of affect

me: you're doing it again.

me: oh.

me:

me:

me: ...would you look at that billboard.



You get the idea.

Incidentally, I am going to try another Messianic Jewish Congregation. They meet on Saturday mornings as opposed to Friday nights, so I'm thinking that I might be able to get there. At any rate, I'm going to try next week. Unfortunately, I didn't get directions until about 9:00 this morning, and the services start at 10:30, and it turns out that it will take me well over 2 hours to get there, so I will have to try for next week.

The nice thing about this congregation is that the person in charge is a woman. In the past I might not think of that as such a good thing, but after the last experience with the racist group, I'm thinking--well, this might be a bit on the assumptive side, but it seems like a group that's outrageously liberal enough to have a female rabbi couldn't possibly be racist. I think racism tends to go a lot more with right-wing than left. So I'm hoping that is the case here.

That was another one of my "I am not going to think" things this morning. Went like this:

me: I'm sure glad that there's a woman rabbi. I mean, I know there are strictures against women in teaching positions, but you know, I'm a woman, and well, there are a lot of men who are stupider than me. I mean, I'm certainly not qualified to teach, mostly because for one thing I don't lead a pristine life, and for another, I am unwise--oh, Matthew called me wise last night, which is funny since it's so blatantly untrue--I mean, a lot of our problems are caused by complacent him meeting overanalytical me, and so I'm 50% to blame for

me: You're doing it again.

me: dang.

me:

me:

me: Is this like an addiction? Am I crazy or something?

me: Ah, grasshopper, but that, too, is thinking.

me: dang.

Anyway, I'm meeting friends today for a Buffy party. I brought over the musical, and someone else has a bunch of old episodes, so we are going to get together and watch them. This will be fun! I've found that I don't think so much when I'm just out having fun. Not having a job, and not having any money, and not knowing too many people in this new city, well...that's a lot of alone time, with limits on things to do. Not the best situation for someone trying to overcome a tendency to overanalyze.

But I have cookies! Doctor's orders!

It was rumored that I might get paid for my contract work yesterday. I haven't heard anything yet, and my bank's online banking thingy is broken, so I don't actually know yet. I wish I did, because if they deposited money in my account, I might just take myself out shopping for something small. Nothing big, because I'm sort of enjoying this whole miser rate thing, but one can take things too far.

I haven't seen the roommate, Peter, in a couple of days, by the way. He's called me a couple of times to go over things and that, but he's had a busy week and so have I, so that's that.

At any rate, I don't want to stay indoors any longer, so I'm off. Wish me luck.

I have cookies!