MY FRIEND, SAIKA, IS WORSE THAN ME

I really thought that weird things only happened to me, but I am becoming convinced that Saika is EVEN WORSE.

I submit:

On Friday, Michael and I went to the pub after work with two coworkers; Tim and Neil. Saika was working late, because she was going to go on holiday on Sunday and had a few things left to do.

We all left the pub at about 10:00. Tim went home, and Neil, Michael and I went to pick Saika up at work, after which we proceeded to Saika's house to continue our merry-making.

At about 10:30, Saika got a text message from Tim. It said, "What are you doing right now?"

Saika said, "Oh, how sweet. Tim just sent me a message to check on me. He thought I might still be at work. How sweet!"

So Michael said, "Text him back and say, 'I'm snorting a huge line of coke and shagging three dwarves.'"

This seemed like a Grand Idea (Tim would appreciate this surreal kind of humor), so Saika sent off the message.

Five minutes later, Saika got a return text that said, "I'll come on over, then. I'll ring your bell," to which Saika responded, "No bell, just two knockers."

Five or ten minutes later, there was a knock at Saika's door. Neil went to answer, assuming it was Tim.

It turned out that Saika's stalker person is ALSO named Tim, and all this time, she had been HAVING THIS TEXT MESSAGE CONVERSATION WITH HIM.

He stayed until 4 am. It just got increasingly weirder and weirder until I basically kicked everyone out, because I was playing the role of Saika's roommate.

For example, Saika asked him what he does for a living, and he said, "I have a Master's in IS from......university." (he was struggling to come up with the name of a university, and then clearly gave up.)

Then, he asked what Michael did for a living, and when Michael said, "I'm a programmer," the guy's face visibly fell, because he'd just spent the last ten minutes throwing computer words around, trying to sound like Mr. Computer Guy.

Because this guy was a stalker, I spent most of the time bordering on rude to him. Michael, who had had a bad day, would converse with him, and every time the guy would say something stupid, Michael would just answer back with facts, which would make the guy change the subject and try to dig his way out of whatever hole he had just made for himself. Michael would respond to this by pointing out the dimensions and other properties of the hole.

It was painful.

All of this time, though, Michael didn't know that Saika had been sending this stalker guy the messages. He thought she'd been sending them to Tim. At one point in the evening, I had to make up an excuse to take Michael outside and explain the situation to him.

He started laughing so hard, he couldn't stop for about ten minutes. He kept saying, "You knew this? How have you been in there not laughing your butt off all this time?"

I have to admit, it was difficult.

...but it's nice to know that someone out there is EVEN WORSE THAN ME.

Oh, by the way, the next day, I told the *real* Tim what happened, and made him text Saika and pretend to be the stalker. She didn't buy it, but instead called me up and called me a nasty name.

It was hilarious.