AN OPEN LETTER TO BRA MANUFACTURERS

Dear Bra Manufacturers:

I do honestly appreciate your recent efforts to make bras in my size. I do. I also appreciate the fact that you give me nice numbers and letters for my bra size, instead of marking the tags clearly with the words, "Oh my Lord, it's coming this way." However, there is just one little point to which I would like to draw your attention.

I realise and appreciate the fact that, technically, the size of my breasts classifies me as a freak of nature. I understand how difficult this must make your job. However, the one thing that would make me an even *bigger* freak of nature is if there was really 75 feet of me between my shoulders and my breasts.

So why, in the name of all that is holy, must you include 75 feet of bra strap on every bra? At the smallest setting, I can still place my knees inside the cups when it is on my shoulders. Are these intended as slings for patella injuries? Did I, perhaps, pick up the wrong product?

I don't understand this. I have to actually cut out the adjustable part of the bra strap COMPLETELY in order to be able to see the ends of my breasts without putting in my contact lenses. I am near-sighted. Please have mercy on me. When my breasts wander off, I get nervous. I realise that they seldom go further than my ankles, but still. I'm Jewish. I worry.

So please, please, for the love of heaven, make bra straps short enough. I'm 5'6". This means that 3 feet of bra strap is probably sufficient.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

--Simone