THE MOST BORING WOMAN IN LONDON

I'm conscious of the fact that when I say something, either here or in person, it comes off as a general statement about life instead of the way I feel right at that second. For example, if I say that I'm terribly bored here, it might just be at that moment, or maybe I've been bored off and on for the last week, but it's not like I spend every moment of every day bored. I'm just conscious of bored moments.

I've had quite a few lately. I like running around and seeing things, but some days I just feel like, geez, I get up in the morning, try not to worry about things (that's generally my first thought in the morning), I go and look for work, riding the same trains I rode yesterday, then after I've done as much of that as I can, I either wander around sort-of sightseeing, or I go home to those same four walls and read a book, and then eventually I go home and do nothing until it's time to go to bed again.

Occasionally I get out and see friends, or make new friends at a pub, but it's all very boring. Part of this is because I don't have money and I don't have my own house. Not having money means that I can't go to movies or buy new CDs (mind you, the only CD player I have is a walkman thing, and I'm at the point where having these little earphone things in is just annoying more than anything else, so I do most of my CD-listening when I'm over at Matthew's.) or take classes in things or anything else that isn't free.

If I see one more painting or one more mighty tower, I might shoot myself.

Of course, some of this, too, is that these experiences are much better shared, and I'm spending a lot of time by myself. I don't have a group of coworkers that I joke with during the day, for example.

I feel boring. I have nothing interesting to say. There's only so much amusement I can get out of looking at the same things on the same train rides, although this morning there was this guy who I thought was going to kill me because he was yelling the whole time to nobody in particular. But tell someone about that, and that's the end of your story.

But most of the time, I'm actually quite happy. I enjoy my walks, I enjoy the wind in my hair, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. I especially enjoy spending time with Matthew, but I'm also conscious of the fact that extended exposure to me is probably driving him crazy, especially since I HAVE NOTHING INTERESTING TO SAY.

Have I mentioned that I am turning into a boring person?

Worse--I'm turning into one of those socially inept genius types, as evidenced by the fact that I had to *ask* the guy I'm seeing what exactly one does when one screws up, because I *didn't know*.

I don't get it. I have friends. No, really, I do. How is it possible that I have managed to maintain friendships?

None of this makes any sense.

I think at some point in my life I must have been at least moderately interesting.

Of course, in all of this, I don't really want to have a job. I would like to be independently wealthy. Then I could do things that require money, but I wouldn't have to work a zillion hours a day.

So basically what I'm saying is that my main activity of every day is looking for a job--yes, I spend the majority of my time striving for something that I don't want anyway.

I've developed a distressing taste for watching football, in the "soccer" sense of the word. I've only seen it with other people so far, so I'm not sure if I would actually enjoy it on my own, but sitting in a pub with Matthew, eating a greasy hamburger and watching football, was one of the best things ever. Sitting at his house last night, this time with pizza, was another of the best things ever.

Maybe it's just Matthew that's the best thing ever.

Sigh.

And I don't think he likes me.

This sucks.

You'd never guess from reading this that most of the time I'm actually quite happy. See what I mean?

I have discovered the Jaffa Cake, by the way. It's a little piece of sort-of-cake-sort-of-cookie that has a blob of orange goo on it, and then a top coating of chocolate. They aren't bad, but not the Food of the Gods that people here claim.

I think I'm going to need to come up with some perfectly bizarre thing to do.

Mind you, it's Thursday, and I'm meeting up with this guy on Saturday to chat and see a band and stuff, as I've mentioned, so it's not like it's the end of the world to have two days without evening plans. At least, I don't think I have plans. I keep making plans and then forgetting them.

As you can see, I have nothing amusing to say, so I'm going to sign off now.

I swear, tomorrow I'll have something funny to say.

Really.

You just watch if I don't.