TIRED, DEPRESSED, AND SICK

All right, it's official. Moving here and coping every day is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I've been sick most of the time I've been here--it's true that the flu has been going around, but I can't help but wonder if at least some of it isn't psychosomatic, and then of course I just try to force myself to feel better.

But I keep trying to come up with an explanation for why exactly it is that this has all been so difficult, and my brain hurts from all of the thinking I've been doing--trying to hard to get a job, trying so hard to earn money for rent, trying so hard to make it through days when all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. I thought that having Matthew in my life might make it easier for me, but to be honest, he makes everything harder.

It's so hard to go on applying for jobs and talking to these agencies. It would be so much easier if I was in the US.